A Memorial Day

Hello friends and family of Janet.
This is George, Sr. again on Wednesday evening.
The picture shows Janet in happier times in front of her stereomicroscope at the ADA Research lab.

Today we honored Janet's memory. Family and friends converged on Our Lady of the Visitation Parish in Darnestown, MD at 11:00 am. There were about 100 of you in the pews and you came from far and wide. I saw many friends that I had not seen in years. I even saw Dr. Pamela Zarick, who first detected that something was seriously wrong with Janet on June 1st and who monitored developments in Janet's sad case to the end.

Yes, the pianist played Ravel's Pavan for a Dead Princess as the prelude. I will forever associate that tune with Janet. Even now as I write this, its haunting strains echo in my mind.

Father Matthew Punchayil suggested that I choose bible passages that were relevant to Janet's life and career. For the first reading from the old testament, I chose and Aleta read a passage about Wisdom from the book of Sirach, chapter 14, verses 20-27:

The Search for Wisdom and Its Blessings
"Happy the man who meditates on wisdom, and reflects on knowldge,
Who ponders her ways in his heart, and understands her paths;
Who pursues her like a scout, and lies in wait at her entry way;
Who peeps through her windows, and listens at her doors;
Who encamps near her house, and fastens his tent pegs next to her walls;
Who pitches his tent beside her, and lives as her welcome neighbor;
Who builds his nest in her leafage, and lodges in her branches;
Who takes shelter with her from the heat,and dwells in her home."

We continued with this theme in the second reading, read by George Walter, from James, Chapter 3, versus 13-18:
True Wisdom
"Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show his works by a good life in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. Wisdom of this kind does not come down from above but is earthy, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exists, there is disorder and every foul practice. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure the peaceable gentile, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without inconstancy or insincerity. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace for those who cultivate peace."

The Gospel was from Matthew 5:1-12a
which was the section of the Beatitudes from the Sermon on The Mount.

Father Matthew Punchayil delivered a splendid sermon about Janet and the themes raised above. He did not know Janet, but on the basis of what I had told him, he came to realize what a wonderful person she was as wife, mother, scientist and artist – dancer. He spoke about wisdom from God and its connection to Janet’s engineering and scientific work. He noted that many in the church were Janet’s scientist friends and colleagues. He then commented on Janet’s artistic – Middle Eastern dance career, and the many attendees who came to bid farewell to Janet from that side. He said that there is a Lord of Dance in the Hindu religion.
He said that it was apparent that Janet had touched the lives of many people with her kindness and generosity. Although she lived what may seemed to have been a short time span of 58 years, she had lived life to the fullest and had accomplished a full lifespan of generous acts and good deeds and had done the Lord’s work. Many of the attendees, Roman Catholic or otherwise, were moved by his sermon. We were grateful that he had captured the essence of Janet’s contributions throughout her life. My family was deeply touched. I had requests for copies of the sermon. I will inquire, but I believe he delivered the sermon from memory alone.

At the conclusion of the Mass, I presented a short eulogy:
“I first saw Janet in 1969.
We were both mechanical engineering students at Northeastern University in Boston. She was so beautiful when I saw her in the big lecture halls, but I was too shy to say hello. Later, she came to work as a coop student where I worked,
so I did not miss this chance. How lucky I was to win the hand of such a wonderful person. I told her that she was the sunshine in my life.
I think that she brought sunshine into the hearts of many of you.

We were married in 1973 and graduated together as engineers.
For the next 35 years I was reserved and she was convivial. Her joy, inner and outer beauty captivated everyone that she met. She was a delightful and happy person who helped many others rise above their problems and think positively, especially those in her dance network.

She also was a strong, brave woman who looked forward and not back.
So over the last 7 weeks, during her great ordeal, I asked her how she could bear it. She said:
“I have lived a good life, I have few regrets, I did the things that I wanted to do, and I have many dear friends.”

So, we shall miss her dearly. She set a fine example that I hope will instill all of us to live better lives.
God bless you all."

I was remiss to not mention one aspect of her life: She was a Mensan.
Yes, she was one smart gal, but true to her character, she was very circumspect about mentioning this.

We had a fine reception in the church basement and I tried to greet every one of you. We had dozens of photos of Janet at various phases in her life from her college years when we first met, to our wedding, to the births of GW and Aleta, to college graduations including Janet's own PhD in 2000, as well as photos from her work at Watertown Arsenal and ADA-Paffenbarger Research Center. We also had a big selection from her dance activities and I even brought in one of her hand crafted costumes. Yes, she made most of her own costumes, bead by bead, jewel by jewel, sequin by sequin, strand by strand. It was amazing work and she loved doing it. The costumes were so beautiful and so well made. Nevertheless, she occasionally had fun buying some Eyptian ones too.
Many of you returned to work or your normal lives, and my famly drifted back to our residence. I was left with the task of bundling all the flowers into my convertable green Ford mustang. I had to lower the convertable roof to get them all in. I'm sorry to say that I did not take a picture. It must have been quite a sight: My driving with the top down in a funeral suit with flowers jutting out of the back and petals streaming away in every direction.

But before I departed the church, I had but one last task to perform. I had to fetch Janet's ashes. In all the hub bub of the day, I suspect that very few people took any pictures. At the last moment, I asked a departing friend of Janet's to shoot one solitary picture of me as I left the church with Janet urn.
Her spirit is in heaven, but I have her ashes. I will cherish her forever.

ADDENDA:
The church booklet did have a mistake on the cover. Janet was listed as having been born on 23 July 1950. It was actually 23 June 1950. Sadly, she did celebrate her 58th birthday inside Holy Cross hospital and pictures from that occasion are in the blog below.